For the doomscrolling, existential folks

Fear not: this isn't the anti-media post you may expect

"I cannot remember the books I've read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I believe our generation is asking the wrong questions. We enter a tizzy: “What do I want to be?” The weight we put on our major, college choice, or career is understandable: after all, these choices significantly impact how we spend our time. Yet, we neglect a far more pertinent question: “Who do I want to be?”

In a lifetime, the average American will spend 15 years, 3 months, and 7 days working. The average American also spends 5 hours and 24 minutes per day on their phone. At the end of life, we will spend 13 years, 11 months, and 9 days relaxing/pursuing hobbies, and 5 years, 7 months, and 13 days socializing. Given how much time we spend outside of work, we should be as intentional about our personal time as we are about our careers.

The key word here is intentional. I am not advocating for substituting relaxing Netflix time and fun with friends with cheesy self-help activities like doing Yoga or investing. Engaging with pop culture allows us to connect, find communities, and destress. In fact, I believe that cultural literacy is as important in understanding people as political, religious, or economic literacy.

What I lament is that we engage with friends and media without considering potential consequences. No one would consume 42 Taco Bell burritos in a day: such nutritional choices immediately reveal gastrointestinal ramifications. Yet, many people consume content that is at best substanceless and at worst morally questionable or psychologically damaging. People continue to spend time with those who ridicule their values or undermine their self-confidence because such long-term consequences often go unnoticed.

Not being intentional about one’s environment leads to unfair self-blame. We can’t focus because “we’re stupid,” we care too much about our appearance because “we’re shallow,” we aren’t helping our community because “we are lazy.” In the words of Hank Green, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Without modifying our stimuli or our environment, becoming a better person becomes impossible.

Simply vilifying technology is a position that lacks practicality or nuance, ignoring the benefits it brings to our lives. Rather than extinguishing tech use entirely, we should more often choose media that aligns with the person we want to become. Read Reddit posts about things you want to learn instead of watching YouTube Shorts (the algorithm is terrible anyway). Follow Instagram accounts that reflect your career dreams or motivate you towards your personal goals. And if you watch “brainrot” TikToks for pure entertainment, be intentional so you truly enjoy it.

A friend once asked why my social media reads like a LinkedIn. I explained that it helps me maintain a useful porfolio of my art, speaking, and work. But ultimately? I use content creation—blogging, artwork, sharing opinions and good news— to foster a healthier relationship with technology. If platforms like Instagram shape our image, I want mine defined by what I love, what I’m working towards, and what I care about.

Which brings me to friendships. The cliche goes that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. While we carefully choose romantic partners, we often neglect the importance of friendships and other connections, despite their significant influence.

Being picky about socialization can lead to temporary isolation or judgment. For example, not drinking or partying in college did make socializing more challenging. But the friends I did make were sincere, and have made me a more hardworking, intelligent, empathetic person.

I appreciate how the “work hard play hard” mindset encourages people to live fully in all aspects of their lives. However, by sharply separating “play” from “work,” we ignore ways the two can enhance each other: “playing” intentionally can improve our “work” and a healthy attitude towards “work” can make it playful. We often feel a tug of war between what we want to become and who we are with/what we consume. Perhaps this tension could be lessened by instead seeking harmony around who we want to be.